Ya, a little. I noticed that. I'm actually like this since young.

--> hot tempered and gets irritated with small little things. Loves to complain a lot but e whole procedure will not last for 15 mins. also, i'll try to keep it inside for as long as i can. Now, it's a little different. Funny thing is, not that i can't control, but i purposely showed it. Thou, i did not do it directly but vent it on everyone in a way, i'm really sorry. i don't mean it. Have mercy on me as i'm jus confused n stuck in btween. Wantin to show that: "i'm angry," stop it! but yet i don't feel gd about showin it to that person directly.

Pls bare that in mind, if i chose to control my temper, it's never becos i'm scared to show.

I believe ppl who have great tolerance is really bcos they DO have great tolerance n not becos they're scared of this / that person / things / blah blah.

Its also becos they're jus a little "stupid" in a way, they don't wana make e whole atmosphere tense becos of their anger, and also bcos they don't wana spoil the relation.

But now i realise, by showin it to everyone, u're spoilin ur relations with not 1 person alone but everyone as well.

so now, i believe i'll change again.

Instead of gettin pissed, i was feelin smethin else tdae. a complete mixed feelin. Was it really my responsibility? or shld i at least take e initiative to ask?

so if i ask.. (shld i look at it at a "my responsibility" point of view / "just offering to help" point of view?)

in e past, i wld have jus ask n offer to help.

now, i've become a little selfish. I don't know how ppl see it. But i felt really sad or.. i don't know what is the right word to use.

maybe to thank god, i've realise my role is a piece of tissue paper.

I shld feel ashame when i say the word respect, cause i never knew this word even up till my sec sch days.

And yes ~`` i do admit up till now, i'm still learning and what i mean is to sincerely respect and not just pretend out of courtesy or mannerisms.

To me, if you sincerely respect, thou you might not like e look of a cake, e style of a dance, e nationality, e culture, e religion, whateva it is.

shut up and learn to appreciate it. U just have no likings and want to say it and annouce it to e whole world ~``

give constructive comment NOT sacarsm.

Take dance 4 example: you r doin ur thang and i'm doing mine. levels to me are unimportant, who cares about e levels. i care more bout what e students can learn. Thank god, ur students look pretty good in sme clips. Whether or not ur level is higher, is that even impt? cause i've got NO idea wat u're tryin to imply?

yet talking abt songs and levels, dissin about e dress code, you guys are wierd enough

Is this some kinda respect, did u even go back and refresh ur memory, sit down and analyse?

if u do know how 2 respect, u will not compare e levels as s'pore is diff frm where u cme from. we're a small island n dance scene is growing slowly.

Dress code? everyone have their own likings.

choice of song ~``` i don't take it THAT seriously, cause yes ` u can't feel it, u don't really like it, it's oka. Our stye is already diff, preference on songs - unlikely e same.

worse still, u did e most ridiculous thing to post on utube affecting not me alone, but e place i'm dancin. Yet, u came over to dance and say u love the place?

yea `` ~ i see e way u work, and sadly to say: u are tryin too hard to maintain a gd relation.

worse of all, u know no respect.

Really ~` i DON'T want to stereotype, but the people i've met `almost ALL of them are under e same category.

next, somethin interestin happen just now...

this 2 wierd women plus a guy quarreling in 7-11. i really like " what e ??!!! " u shld see how they curse n swear.

completely remind me of e "ah lian" days in my sec sch. back then, aaaaaaa ` we're 13, young kids. Do you know how old are they? Maybe late 30s?

really, irritatin to e max when they curse and swear in a public place. e most funny scene award Goes to : Black beanie lady.

she take camera out suddenly, video e other woman. u say wierd anot lah she? AND why e workers in 7-11 didn't do anythin bout it?!

don't wanna get involve right. But seriously, what if they fight? and they broke ur glass stuff? and also, accidents happen, sme 1 injured? Hei? Allegra? Me? or strangers that we don't know? They bleed and die? it's ur place, 7-11, a store and MORE! or mall? can take care of it? cme to think of it, they are not e wierd 1s, but e ppl in charge of that place. Completely ignore.

I don't really give a damn, how early or late you cme in. How much you really did, cos we will neva know. N who are we to really judge?

Yes, it's true ` cos there are way too many things that can be seen with our naked eyes. naked naked naked.

I'm either a hypocrite, or juz plain stupid. Or maybe i'm neither both. Cos i don't even know what i am.

I don't really want to fall, cos i believe in him. Yet, i don't understand wat ppl are really thinkin at times.

I need him to enlighten me. But each time, when i hope 4 that, no answer cld b heard. No response. no nth

Then, slowly i believe, he had responded but i failed to see. N that is why i used e word - enlighten frm e start. I need him to enlighten me!

Ans is there frm e start, and yet, i still chose to ignore. Now i see e ans, n yet i chose not to accept it.

Anyway, i believe there are ppl who don't understand wat e hell i'm thinkin as well.

n herrrreeeeee i ammmmmmm complaininnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

That is what i feel about him:

e work he's doing rite now.

e way he contributes to the family

e way he say he cares

n nez e way he say he have his own "needs"

so wat bout me? e rest? n e others? every1 have their needs too.

tat was e bez part which i can't understand yet when he says "i have my needs too." i kept my mouth shut. i felt a tight slap on my face! i woke up. can i say he is selfish? come to think of it, mayb not. cos it's human nature ` if i'm him, n i earn like him, i might pamper myself too, before feelin a need to do smethin else for others. If only he includes us as part of his plan, rather than he himself, alone in his own plan.

sad thing ish ~` i owaez look up to him. but now, i'm not too sure. he's like a complete stranger. he have temperaments, just like e work he's doin rite now.

i'll juz have to keep a cool ~~` OOSSSSHHHH!

I juz shoot a HUGE bomb in the middle of e nite. Neglectin e fact that everyone, includin my neighbors are sleepin peacefully. Yes, i admit i'm selfish. For tat moment, i shld' have juz controlled n not sae a word. Why did i retaliate, cos i hate it when ppl accuse me and worse still, give me a "TITLE" of lyin. She is e one who owaez fail to hear or remb what ppl have said. It doesnt bother me much only when she starts accusin. She is owaez like this for the past (how many yrs), so i noe ~`` treatin her like an opera singer is e best way out. Yet, i still retaliate, hoping for ONCE, she will admit she forgot. Still, its the usual endin ~``` here comes my dark circlessss

I guess there is a reason why i have mostly the word - DOCtOR in the "telepathy" game. As i get 2 c how e Spore hospitals work, i'm juz amazed. If somethings cld be done earlier, it will not get any worse. Talk bout my eyes, if u eva see the pupils, u will go : WHAT?!! When i woke up 2 days ago, n notice e small little white dots under my pupil, i juz wana puke. Seriously, i pray hard its not cornea infection / what so eva. Maybe its jus a sign of recovery? Still, i feel the doctors cld have done a lil more. Im not convinced that is all dey can do.

i'm worried. Or mayb ~` i just feel.. it's a pity, Not being able to know more. It's unnecessary, i know. Yet, there are times when we'll owaez tink back N start to wonder ~ what will happen if we didnt do this or that, or even say certain things we shouldn't have. Or mayb there are times when we SHLD stand up for sme1 and yet we tot by keeping quiet, things will get better? Also, times when we blurt things out N causes a biggg commotion. Things do happen for a reason, but there are times ~ i don't understand or see the reason behind. Mayb that's when ppl will start to get pissed of, not with other ppl. But weirdly, pissed off with themselves. I believe every1's "lesson fees" are different? If Miss A have to pay (a bomb) to learn her lesson, Mr B might only have to pay (a grenade). Who cares how much u need to pay? Cos i care more bout ~` "what u've learnt?" You fell once ~` are u wiser now? HK he says, there he goes again.

get soooo pissed. I really tried 2 control my temper. But i couldnt, cause nth was done and they were SO rude. Ytd, i went SGH "A&E" department cos i was being referred to there. I can understand why they didn't refer me to an eye clinic since i went to see a doc on a Sat morning. SO, the nurse said "Don't expect anythin drastic to be done cos we're e A&E department n eye clinic is not open tdae." AND she ask me "y am i referred to this department since i have eye problems." Oka? How am i suppose to ans? It was the decision made by the poly clinic doc, i've got no experience in this. Still, i wanna thank god a doc which i believe is an eye specialist checked my eye. At least, sme 1 checked cos i tot i ll juz get sme eye drops w/o having any eye check. The fee was unexpectedly HIGH!! N the funny thing is: the doc prescribed 2 medi, i only got 1 cos she said i have to get the other on my own. I'm like HUH? oka. So here i go.. early mornin ~ poly clinic. The people workin in the pharmacy. i Don't know.. are they counted nurses? Seriously, even if they're not. They're working in a CLINIC ~` they shld expect patients there feeling uneasy, uncomfortable cos they're somewhat SIIIIICCCCK. so ~ i was waiting at e counter. 1st thing the receptionist, who knows how to read prescriptions cos she was wearing a different uniform said to me : "what are u doing here? u shld just que behind." It was so obvious i held a paper on my hand and wanted to ask her qns. Then she said " orr, prescription jus go to the 1st counter." ............ That's all. I approach another worker, asking her how do i get this eye drop ~ she told me the same ting, super unfriendly ~ I tried to ask why do i need to go over to e prescription side, cos the SGH already wrote dwn i can get this -> blah .... eye drop at ANY pharmacy. If i need to que at the prescription side, then how do i get this eye drop frm other pharmacy? I was a lil confused so i asked her nicely, and i dint even finish my sentence. She break my sentence by constantly saying : go counter 1 go counter 1, u need medicine u need to que at counter 1. I get so angry i just shouted. Now to tink of it, i felt a lil bad cos there are times when i serve ppl, i do get agitated with hard to please customers. But still, they are workin in a clinic where many patients are involved. They don't seem keen to help me find my med. Isit just me or wat? But i really felt so angry..... Now i noe how my dad feels. A sick person is an angry person. Control control control.....

Dis is a learnin phase, not jus this alone but everythin in life. Thank god for trials and tribulations, that i noe i will need to go thru and life is jus lidat. When we're babies, we have to fall afew times before we'r able 2 walk. There is a certain kind of difficulty we'll face. And i noe this is e crucial moment - whether i stayed strong in his word or feelin worse n let tings beyond our control to rule over me. To share part of it: He in the family, sme1 i owaez look up to. We are e complete opposites. He's lazy, i am more hardworkin as compared to him but he's definitely a fast learner in everthin, i'm not. I like him, he's smart. Tings he say, it owaez inspires me, he is much more sensible, thou hot-tempered - e onli similar trait we have in e family. Recentli, an incident happened n for e 1st time eva i felt scared why he becme like dis? My cousin actuali recommended him for a job n he sent a 1 min effort resume. Cousin shocked, who will sent tis kinda resume out if he reali wants a job. He himself admit it was a 1 min resume, i reali pray hard he will c how much it ll hlp for him to get a job 1st before he continue doin nth, dreamin abt his dreams. N: Looking at my parents' marriage, they're reali not meeting each other needs. N have not been for many years. For e 1st time, they set a new record. I guess, there will owaez be a new record for everythin. Mayb e nez new record is happily eva after.

2 describe in an "ab-stract" way, there's a NEW color added in my life journey 2day. For ppl who make assumptions real quick, just like me: always tot flying kite is e most boring thing eva. until i experience it for e 1st time tdae. Woohoo, seriously it's quite enjoyable. Of cos, to ask me fly it everyday, i might get sick of it. Cos it's not like my hobby or passion, but flyin it once in awhile with a grp of frens is really fun. Best when it's drizzling accompanied by strong WIND. woohoo, and e sun is not glaring, u can see exactly how far e kite can go. It's even better when e kite is a big SMILEY 1, simple yet nice in a cute way. E next ting i'm aimin for will be e cafe there. I'm curious who are the live bands singin there.

For the whole of 2009, let this month be the last and worst month. For months after, years after ~`` everything will be better! Effort is needed, but before that, trust is the key. Way b4 the trust, it's the things one sae and does. Now i noe how seriously impt it is to think twice before u do or even sae anythin. Not only will it make a difference, impact and change in things, situations, relationships. E worst is: u can never "erase" it but only compensate and try to do wateva u can to reconcile or salvage E situation. I will pray hard, i want every1 to be happy.

Surprisingly, i've decided 2 revive this blog` thanks 2 wat i've encountered today early in the mornin. (but not 6 o'clock) Being chased out off e class, not even can u stay in . Simply just get out, they say. Traffic jams are e biggest enemy! Really, just e BIGGEST enemy. But they will say, you can leave hse earlier. YES! True enough BUT coincidentally, e traffic jam got worse. Mayb e bus driver or e bus itself is having a bad day. These are based on my own assumptions on how they will respond if i ever tried to explain. I'm not e expressive kind, mayb it's not even bout tat.. but i just dont see a need to. At e end of e day, they will not even care bout e reasons as they see it as.... excuses. What i can say is? Wierd enough, if i went, i was never late but jus today i step out of my hse even earlier than normal, i was late. Argggh ~~` Next ~` seriously, i am thankful for knowin wat i want to do other than dance. At least, i am interested in music and im not draggin myself to go for class, unless it is non-musical. Mayb there are just things tat i fail to see. Just, it doenst make sense. The special class is for us to feedback on the foundation course. And.. what are feedbacks all about if they dint even do anythin about it. Yea, they did a small change which is = no change. I feel it kinda get worse? Esp when they can tell us -students Some classes will be cancelled due to sch's budget.. hua's top listed joke. Really. sch fees r alot more expensive, yet ... ... ... ... what is sch really for? I always tot u're there to learn things, things tat u ARE interested in n dont have e knowledge / technique of it. No idea how and where to start from. oh no, i'm wrong. It's actually a place where ppl will tell u what to hand up next week but u hav no idea what is it about. How to do it etc. So.. u're supposed to find out urself, research on it. In other words - self taught. Woohoo .. I get it now.

cant Get to sLep, duno y. so` happen to Visit friendster. yet aft readin the testimoniaLz startin frm 2003, i can't help But luff.

still remb laz time wib x-mouse n we Play soccer like mad, n e 424 ` reali mani funi tinGz happen mann.

e funiest testi i read was :